Anonymous asked: Dear Scabby,
I'm in my late teens and have a burning desire to travel! I do not exactly the financial means to 'see the world' nor the support of family - I understand you traveled extensively around the same age and with similar financial circumstance? Do you think it can be done in this day and age? To travel and attain experience, see things, hear new things, meet new people...does it just take a little balls and risk, or something more?
I have no ties in my home country (england) so that's not the problem
Any advice in general? I know I haven't articulated this very well, but any advice would be very much appreciated
Love and thanks!
In my humble opinion, such matters rarely have much to do with the day and age one lives in, or one’s present circumstances. One does what one has to do because any other choice would be unacceptable to their soul. What more can I say? The only advice I can give you is this: try reading Kerouac’s On The Road and asking yourself if you got the balls to go out there and see what the world has to teach you. If the answer is affirmative, then get off your arse and go!
Anonymous asked: Not lookin' for advice, rather just a question of curiousity. Do you ever plan to, or have already , write a screenplay? Judging by reading ur blogs etc, im sure u could muster up an intersting story.
There is a screenplay based on my book Scab Vendor - Confessions of a Tattoo Artist. It was optioned years ago by a certain famous Hollywood production company, then put on the shelf. That’s why I prefer to write books today and leave the movie making to the Hollywood types.
Anonymous asked: So I decided to stop taking pills and get clean. But today someone said to me I liked you better when you were high. It really pissed me off. I told them this is me who I am and why would anyone prefer me living in la la land just so I am numb to my surroundings? I almost gave in and slipped. But I didnt. I thought about your book Narcisa. And that is what helped me to decide to quit taking pills. Yes I had some physical withdraw but my eyes are on the light at the end of the tunnel. I just wanted to say thank you for your book. It opened my eyes to what I couldve became.
Just wanted you to know
Sorry about the late response to these comments and questions, but Scabby has been on a long sabbatical.
In response to your question (?) I would have to say that, in my experience, untreated abstinence from any addiction can lead an addict to a place where the ”cure” is often worse than the disease itself. That’s why the 12 step programs like AA and NA have proven to be so effective for treating the root causes of addictions. Simply put, for many years of abstinence, I was a bigger asshole sober than I ever was drunk, and I stayed that way for many years until I got into the 12 step recovery process. Once one stops taking the numbing agents to treat their addiction, there has to be a whole psychic change to accompany the process and lead the addict or alcoholic into a program of recovery, usually of a spiritual nature. If not, once the drugs or booze are gone, the sufferer becomes “restless, irritable and discontent” to quote the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous — which is a pretty rough way to live, not only for the addict, but for just about anybody unfortunate enough to have to come into contact with them. I’m just glad I found the 12 step programs, as it truly is the ”easier, softer way” to treat the disease of addiction. Good luck.
Anonymous asked: Dear Scabby,
What would your advice be to someone who is in limbo, in a dead-end, rat-race, job and generally a lost soul?
I mean we all have to make a modest living, so although I get the whole 'we all have a choice' viewpoint, we can't all chuck in our job and do what we love, generally you 'can't' get in to that job or it doesn't really exist, or everyone else wants to do it and its saturated!
I have come to the viewpoint that we must accept certain realities, and try and enjoy the job, while in the spare time trying to pursue many interests as possible!.. what do you think?
Sounds like you’ve already answered your own question and it’s working out for you that way, in which case what I think is really irrelevant.
Anonymous asked: Do you have any recommendations of websites and magazines where I can submit my poems?
check out this link and good luck:
http://www.sensitiveskinmagazine.com/
Anonymous asked: Dear Scabby, I'm quite pretty girl as I know and I get enough attention from men, though I think I could be getting more if I wasn't that shy. But being 20 years old I'm still a virgin. And now it turned into a problem, because I'm starting to feel really embarrassed about it. After spending some time with a man, I just give up all the relationships because every normal man soon or late wants more and I'm just feeling really uncomfortable and stupid to say I'm still a virgin. So here's the question: do you think it's actually normal not to have sex in age 20? Should I wait for the right moment and a good man or should I just go out, get drunk and fuck with the first pretty comer? What actually a normal man would think of me?
Honestly, I think the whole concept of ”normal” is a crock. As far as waiting for the ”right moment with the right man,” I don’t think that’s such a bad idea. I mean, what the hell? If you’ve already waited this long might as well make it good.
Just be careful you don’t wait forever. Maybe you just need to adjust your expectations about what ”the right man” means for you. It doesn’t have to be Prince Charming or anything, ya know. And I don’t think it necessarily has to be True Love or anything like that either. I think there’s a good deal of misconception in this society about sex and love. Love takes thousands of expressions, such as friendship, respect, charity, complicity, communication and brotherhood, among other things we experience in our daily lives. Sex is another thing entirely. Sometimes they go together, sometimes they don’t. It doesn’t really matter.
Maybe ”the right man” for you might just be somebody you feel a sexual attraction for and get along with well enough to trust him and let him in on your ”secret” and pop you cherry with.
It really doesn’t have to be a big deal, does it? I mean you’re not getting married to the guy. Or maybe you are.
I guess what I’m trying to say here is maybe you need to lighten up a bit with the whole Sex/Love thing and just go for it. It’s only sex, a purely animal attraction, and something perfectly ”normal.”
What do you got to lose, other than your shame and confusion over your simple human nature.
By the way, where do ya live? Send me some pix. Maybe old Scabby could fit you into his busy cherry-popping schedule and knock the dust off it for ya sometime…
Anonymous asked: Dear Scabby,
I have some anger issues. I've realized it's because of resentment I have for things that have been done to me in the past. I want to "just let it go" because I know holding on to this anger isn't hurting anyone except me but I feel like if I do just let it go, they've gotten away with it. Like if I let it go, I'm saying what they've done is alright. And it's not just stuff from the past, it can be small stuff, say if someone cuts me off in traffic, or anything...I can become so enraged. Being in a constant defensive state is poisoning. Do you have any advice for dealing with anger? And how not to let things affect you so badly?
The following is from Emmet Fox. Hope it is helpful to you.
“Setting others free means setting yourself free, because resentment is really a form of attachment. It is a Cosmic Truth that it takes two to make a prisoner; the prisoner — and a gaoler. There is no such thing as being a prisoner on one’s own account. Every prisoner must have a gaoler, and the gaoler is as much a prisoner as his charge. When you hold resentment against anyone, you are bound to that person by a cosmic link, a real, though mental chain. You are tied by a cosmic tie to the thing you hate. The one person in the whole world whom you most dislike is the very one to whom you are attaching yourself by a hook that is stronger than steel. Is this what you wish? Is this the condition in which you desire to go on living? Remember, you belong to the thing with which you are linked in thought, and at some time or other, if that tie endures, the object of your resentment will be drawn again into your life, perhaps to work further havoc. Do you think that you can afford this? Of course no one can afford such a thing; and so the way is clear. You must cut all such ties, by a clear and spiritual act of forgiveness. You must loose him and let him go. By forgiveness you set yourself free; you save your soul. And because the law of love works alike for one and all, you help to save his soul too, making it just so much easier for him to become what he ought to be.
“But how, in the name of all that is wise and good, is the magic act of forgiveness to be accomplished, when we have been so deeply injured that, though we have long wished with all our hearts that we could forgive, we have nevertheless found it impossible; when we have tried and tried to forgive, but have found the task beyond us?
“The technique of forgiveness is simple enough, and not very difficult to manage when you understand how. The only thing that is essential is WILLINGNESS to forgive. Provide you desire to forgive the offender, the greater part of the work is already done. People have always made such a bogey of forgiveness because they have been under the erroneous impression that to forgive a person means that you have to compel yourself to like him. Happily this is not the case.”
Anonymous asked: Dear Mr. Scabby,
I know you never touched on this subject and I wondered if you would some. You see today we would like to take our Mother out to eat at a resturant. Here is where my problem comes in. My Mother writes a colum in the local paper and has writen a few books, love stories. Well when ever we go out to eat someone will come to the table want her to sign something or take her picture with them. Oh she does it and smiles for the camera. But I hate it. The flashes or feeling like we are on display. No one thinks about us kids sitting at the table trying to have a dinner in peace. I guess they think of her as the gonzo of this town and want a piece of her to show to all the blue hair ladies at their country club. We dont get to go out or do things that often and just this once I want everyone to just not come up to the table. I mean is that too much to ask. I am crying now so bare with me. Can you or would you speak on this subject. It would help alot. I just want one normal day just once if you can help me I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am one of your readers of your blog.
Peace and love
Just once
Dear Just Once —
These are the things that go along with fame. Your mother bought the ticket, and now she has to take the ride. Does it bother her, or is it just making you uncomfortable? She probably loves it, I would assume, or at least accepts it graciously as something that comes with the territory. What you may not be taking into account is that for a writer who lives and works in a bubble most of the time, these little signs of validation from fans are not always seen as invasive - at least for some of us. Maybe you should ask your mother how she feels about it.
Still, if it’s that much of an issue for you and your siblings, why don’t you just invite her over to your place for a meal? Or maybe you could take her on a little ”field trip” to another part of town where you won’t be likely to run into blue haired ladies from a country club?
By the way, how famous is she? I mean, if she’s like Anne Rice or something, there really may be nowhere that’s ”safe.” If that’s the case, I’m sure she’s learned to live with it. Maybe you should too.
Good luck!
Anonymous asked: Dear Scabby,
I am in a situation in which my ability to read a person's intentions and accurately assess their threat potential may be tested. I work as a personal assistant to a wealthy elderly man and his wife. The man's son from a previous marriage has returned after some time with no contact. The son is a drug dealer, although he is not doing anything drug related around his father's house other than making phone calls, a Hell's Angel, vest and everything, and a bully who gets off on intimidation. The father is 89 years old, hardly able to stand on his own, with age related dementia for which he takes medication that allows him to be lucid most of the day. I'm sure there's a ton of unresolved father/son issues, but I'm no family therapist. I just don't want anyone to get hurt. He's already received his inheritence, an eight figure amount, so he's not after money. He doesn't seem to have much interest in his father, good or bad. To me, the fact that a college educated trust-fund kid decided to be a drug dealing outlaw biker reeks poser, but... does that, in your opinion, make him more or less likely to move from menacing to actively violent? According to his own tales, he's been plenty violent before. He enjoys telling me how he handles bitches who forget their place, but he's never threatened me overtly. I know there's not enough information here for any kind of personality assessment, I'm just looking for your opinion based on the fact that you have a wide variety of experience with people from all walks of life. I don't want to jump the gun and get him in trouble just for being an asshole, but I'm the only person betweem him and his elderly parents, and the police are at least 10 minutes away.
Thanks.
This situation sounds like a classic ‘trick-bag’ to me. My first instinct would be to advise you to just stay out of it. From what you’ve told me, it really might not be any of your business anyway.
Family ties are a complex and confusing affair even for seasoned professional therapists. As you said yourself, you are paid to be a personal assistant and not a family therapist, let alone a watchdog or whistleblower.
If you’re not comfortable around your boss’s son and his lifestyle, you may just have to move on and seek other employment elsewhere. Otherwise, just lay low and do your job. I just can’t imagine anyone wanting to get involved in somebody else’s family issues at risk to themselves.
Everything happens for a reason, and while it may appear offensive to you, there’s really very little you can do about the situation without putting yourself in a position of overstepping your bounds as a personal assistant.
I can’t tell ya what to do, but if I was you, I’d probably just tend to my work and try to keep out of all and any personal family dramas altogether.
kalebwilsonactor asked: Dear Scabby,
Hello, it's Kaleb from Facebook, and I am very interested in getting a tattoo similar to my favorite actor Johnny Depp's very close to my heart. Like this.
http://media.onsugar.com/files/2010/11/47/1/1129/11299226/03/celebrity_tattoos_09.jpg
I am only curious about the amount of pain it would bring, but I still wish to honor the memory of my Goddaughter. Thanks in advance, I don't know who to contact in my area, especially since I'm a first timer, but with your advice, I can manage to brave it, I hope. Haha. Thanks, and God bless.
~Kale
Dear Kale from Facebook -
Tattoos hurt. That’s part of the deal. No pain, no gain. I actually did that tattoo on JD back when I was still in the tattoo game. That’s a particularly painful spot to get tattooed. He didn’t flinch, of course. The man has balls of iron - like me.
Since I’ve been retired from tattooing for many years now, I can’t tell ya much about who’s good. No idea anymore. I’d suggest you do some research on the internet and check out who’s who in your area. Maybe go and check out some tattoo places and see who you ”vibe” with. The best advice I can give somebody who wants to pop their tattoo cherry is this: THINK BEFORE YOU INK.
Good luck.